PAGL Associates Newsletter

Editor: Jan Linthorst, D.Min.
Mailing Address:1122 East Lincoln Ave, Suite 206A, Orange, CA 92865
Phone: (714) 974-9471
Fax: (714) 538-7732
Email: jlinthorst@socal.rr.com

Donations

Donations are gratefully received for the publication of the Newsletter and the work of the PAGL Foundation. To cover the cost of the Newsletter a suggested donation of $20.00 per year is recommended, payable to the PAGL Foundation, c/o the Treasurer, Bruce Kerievsky, 7 Arrandale Ave, Great Neck, N.Y. 11024.

Contents

Editorial

Send us your favored "Hora-quotation" and describe in a few words how such statement has been helpful to you.

Send it with or without name, but in any case, with the geographic location of its origin. It would be of special interest to see those from the diaspora respond. (Diaspora means spread out over a wide area, away from the centers of teaching)

From the President’s Desk

"Everything Everywhere Is Already Alright." Dr. Hora used to love to say that. And once in awhile in my own life, if only for a moment, I knew what he meant.

The poet Cyrano said:

"There comes a moment to everyone when Beauty stands staring into the soul with sad, sweet eyes that sicken at the sound of words. And God help those who pass that moment by.-"

Somehow that moment is once. Somehow it is always. It comes to us when we least expect it.

And, wonderfully, God helps us even if we pass it by. He comes again, when we least expect it!

A Course in Miracles speaks of "the holy instant" - a timeless moment when suddenly we know: "everything, everywhere, is already alright."

Jesus taught, "the kingdom of God is at hand" - It"s not only right in front of our eyes; it’s in our eyes. The kingdom is a spiritual vision that enables us to see the Beauty that is already here.

We have many ways to see what is really here, to know that everything everywhere is already alright, and to realize peace, assurance, gratitude, and love.

The teachings expressed by Dr. Thomas Hora in Existential Metapsychiatry are just one of those wonderful ways. And they have proven helpful to many. The PAGL Foundation exists to keep these unique expressions of truth alive. This spring it will bring out a new, posthumous book of Dr. Hora, "One Mind: A Psychiatrist"s Spiritual Teachings." The publication has been made possible through a gift of two grateful students, Jim and Gaye Pigott. We are all grateful to them.

The Foundation requires the support of individuals interested in Metapsychiatry to fund work like this. If you would like to share a monetary gift with the Foundation, you may do so by sending it to Bruce Kerievsky, Treasurer, 7 Arrandale Avenue, Great Neck, NY 11024.

If not, or if you can’t, hey, that"s okay too. Whether we know it or not at any given moment, we can never forget. Everything everywhere is already alright!

Beyond the Master

by Ann Linthorst

We have recently been reminded of the Zen Buddhist injunction: "If you meet the Buddha on the path, slay him." This refers to the need for students to get beyond personal attachment to a personal master. That idea gave rise, for me, to some thoughts from a somewhat different angle, which seem relevant to today’s topic of Awakening. What is it like after one has "slain the Buddha"?

I think most of us, early in our studies, hoped to "become enlightened" and, at that point, to be beyond problems, somehow. I remember Dr. Hora quoting a Zen master who said, "It’s just like before, except you float 2 inches above the ground." I’m still waiting for that. Or at least, for what I thought that meant at the time. But I’m making some discoveries of my own that I’d like to share with you today. First of all, an observation:

It is the student, not the master, that is "slain." It is the sense of being a human student dependent upon an external, personal authority for truth, that needs to - and does - dissolve, if our spiritual study and practice are sincere.

As long as there is the sense of a personal student trying to get free from a personal master, the master remains master, though the student may move from positive attachment to negative attachment (resistence). The Buddha is not slain until the student who regarded that teacher as "the Buddha" is slain. Of course, this is metaphorical language describing a natural and unavoidable aspect of the process of awakening to the spiritual universe which can also be called "the NOW."

Ultimately, there is no adversarialness in the gentle and effortless process in which THE SENSE of being a personal student, dependent upon external authority for guidance and understanding, yields. In its place is a dawning sense of identity in spiritual, non-personal terms. Dr. Hora replaced the concept of person with the statement that "man is a place where God reveals Himself as omniactive Love/Intelligence."

This marvelous concept of "placeness" rather than "personhood" is a powerful tool. A place is nothing in itself; it is an emptiness, a space. A person, by contrast, is an entity, a located - and separate - thing in itself. Thinking as "place" rather than person begins to refine away personal identification.

A similar thing begins to happen in our sense of the master. The master is, likewise, just a place through which the universal Life and Mind express. We no longer look upon the master as master, but as an appreciable form of our own true knowledge. Our appreciable forms of spiritual understanding may appear as several teachers and/or teachings along the way. We will not be stuck in either a dependent or an adversarial sense of interaction with a personal teacher if we regard him or her as simply an appreciable form of our already full and perfect divine awareness.

Dr. Hora talks about peeking underneath the curtain of time. The central point is that there is ONLY NOW, that every moment is NOW, never then, past, or then, future. The so-called "sea of mental garbage" does not exist in the NOW, and is unknown to universal consciousness. That’s why "the realization of what really is abolishes all that seems to be." Almost all personal thoughts take place in the nonexistent past or future and the false sense of personhood which is rooted in those past-future pictures. To be in the NOW takes us beyond psychological time - and therefore psychological identity. What IS NOW is BEING: every single aspect of universal Life, universal good, that could ever take form exists HERE and NOW, IN CONSCIOUSNESS. And that’s what, then, expresses, manifests, as what we do.

I like Eckhart Tolle’s simple description of life in the NOW:

"Everything is honored but nothing matters." (Tolle, The Power of Now, p. 58)

This is a radical, 180-degree turnaround from personal existence, where everything matters, and nothing is honored.

What are we aware of in the NOW? We are aware of what God is aware of. And what is God aware of? Universal Life, qualities of Being.

Hora says: "Here - in the context of God, omniactive Love/Intelligence - the universe reveals itself as perfectly harmonious and all things within it are beautiful, good, and meaningful. There comes upon us an awareness of peace, assurance, gratitude and love, and problems just vanish (i.e., the SENSE of a problem yields to the awareness of harmonious Being). Each individual becomes a beneficial presence in the world. Without doing anything, by the mere fact of his perspective on reality, his presence becomes a focal point of harmony and healing in the world." (Beyond the Dream, p. 109)

"In the context of God...there comes upon us an awareness of peace, assurance, gratitude and love..."

"We are not here for ourselves," Dr. Hora used to say. "And we are not here for others. We are here for God. And what does God want? God wants to shine." As personal identity yields, we become aware of, and transmitters of, the divine radiance. The qualities of divine Being shine through despite, and not because of, personal sense.

Three Observations

1. Problem-solving slips into the background of our experience rather than dominating the foreground. Because the details of what Tolle calls our "life situation" matter less, there is less sense of daily life being "one damned thing after another."

This does NOT mean that symptoms - physical, emotional, situational - do not arise. But we don’t take phenomena of "the sea of mental garbage" personally. They are just situations.

2. Spiritual meaning takes precedence over personal meanings. The principle, "Nothing comes into experience uninvited" is seen to refer to the substance of good unfolding in so many ways in our experience, despite, not because of, the personal story, the "life situation" in which personhood seems to find itself. We identify, more and more, with that substance, with the quality Life that our experience embodies, and less and less with the misconception of things called the little self.

We notice the spiritual good shining through. We notice things that DON’T happen, even though we have invited them. This is how the honoring replaces personal upsets. We are noticing what really is more consistently as the substance of our everyday lives.

3. We are more aware of our state of consciousness in connection with our activities and make choices more on that basis than any other. We begin to love, to savor, a sense of PAGL, the awareness of beauty and harmony, etc. And we discover that when PAGL is our guide, there is great freedom to pursue a variety of activities in our daily lives.

This past year, an idea which had been unfolding under the surface of my conscious thought for 15 years, came up with some clarity, and took form in a pilgrimage to medieval English cathedrals. One of the things which delights me about this idea, and our subsequent wonderful trip, is that it had all the trappings of being "religious" - something Dr. Hora was greatly concerned to teach us not to be! But what I found was the spiritual meaning of all the religious forms of my youth and many other religious forms which were new to me. It turned out to be a spiritually nurturing and expansive experience which brought about profound inner changes for me.

Life in the NOW is all about seeking to see and express love, intelligence, beauty, harmony, innocence, peace, joy. We then seek out places which reflect these qualities - nature, of course, is the most universally appreciated setting. But also music, architecture, and art of all sorts.

Probably all of you here spend much of your time in quality activities: travel, study, walking, skiing, who take classes in and pursue all sorts of projects, art, yoga, t’ai chi, etc. Maybe you don’t think of that activity as "spiritual" or related to your spiritual study. But if it makes your heart sing; if there is a sense of playing in the good of God; if your SENSE is of honoring - enjoying - the good that IS rather than trying to get to the good that might be to come, then you are living in the context of God, the NOW, and that which you honor becomes more and more the reality of your life.

The Pursuit of Happiness

by Bruce Kerievsky

Although the Declaration of Independence asserts that our Creator has endowed us with the inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness, Metapsychiatry suggests that it is not especially wise to run after it. Instead, it states that "health and happiness are fruits of a commitment to, and an abiding interest in, what God wants."

Metapsychiatry often examines the etymology of words it considers important because such investigations not infrequently uncover illuminating, consciousness-expanding, and valuable, even if not necessarily current or well known, meanings. And we all know that language is a living phenomenon undergoing constant alteration.

Reflecting this mutativity, the Oxford English Dictionary is based on the evolving history of the definitions given to words at different times. It reports that the word "happy" originally meant "lucky, fortunate, favored by circumstance," indicating that it is neither intentional nor pursuable. It has more recently come to mean "having the feeling arising from satisfaction with one’s circumstances or condition." Still, man tends to deliberately seek happiness in the hope that it will prove to be both attainable and sustainable, as corroborated by those childhood fairy tales that typically end with the phrase "and they lived happily ever after."

Buddhist philosophy tries to discourage such unrealistic hopes by emphasizing the pervasiveness of impermanence in human experience. Many spiritual teachings attempt to shelter seekers from disappointment by promoting acceptance of the unavoidable occurrence of suffering in life. And although the various religious-spiritual perspectives view suffering as either inevitable (i.e. the inherent nature of life) or preventable (merely the consequence of unhealthy desire), man still inclines toward searching for a secular kind of happiness, not just the elimination of suffering, as a valid goal in life. But, all too commonly, what we think will produce happiness is the improvement of our individual being or the achievement of a certain status among our fellows or the acquisition of specific goods. In each of these endeavors, happiness depends on associating or identifying objects or qualities external to oneself with oneself.

Metapsychiatry, by contrast, sees happiness as simply a welcome byproduct or accrual of a sincerely held, valid orientation in life, one that values "what already is," as opposed to the "what should be" typically required by the pursuit of happiness. It cites the Buddhist monks who cheerfully chop wood and carry water all day long as bringing a sense of happiness to their work, rather than demanding or expecting satisfaction from it. The implication of this koan/story is that their joyfulness derives from their knowledge and appreciation of their identity and their gratitude for the opportunity to be useful in their community.

Happiness, then, is not to be pursued directly, for any object-oriented concept of happiness is destined ultimately to induce its opposite. Being aware of this, even to the extent of asking ourselves whether we have succumbed to its temptation, can help us to quickly reorient ourselves, as we are reminded of the necessity and desirability of "being here for God."

A Few Comments About How I Started in Metapsychiatry

by Patrick McCarthy

I spent a few years unemployed in New Zealand between 1990 and 1996 and it was during this time that I happened to walk into a bookshop in Christchurch and discover the book, Beyond the Dream. I was drawn to the title and also the subtitle "Awakening to Reality." Upon reading this book in the store, I was immediately committed to somehow obtaining it. So I approached the library and waited 12 weeks till they received it into stock at my request. I read this book 4 / 5 times that year and my life changed from then on.

I felt a certain energy to look at my life anew. I had always wanted to walk New Zealand and had put this off for many reasons. Somehow reading this book helped me to look at my life with a new vigor and courage to be more in tune with what my heart wanted. So I managed to get a job for a six month period and was able to save enough to get ready to finally take on this walk.

I arrived at the top of New Zealand and was about to commence my walk at last, yet I was intimidated by what lay ahead of me. I discovered that I wasn't really ready to carry this weight on my back for 1600 miles, I wasn't really fit enough either. I suppose that Love/Intelligence was gently nudging me into being aware of this, through circumstances developing the way they did.

Anyway, I contacted my friend in Levin, a small town half way down the country, and I was invited to stay and care for his father for a short while. I ended up staying there, caring for his father for 12 months till he died. Upon his death, I was bequeathed a small amount of money to restart my life.

It was during this time also that I was able to study Metapsyciatry in depth while I was nursing my friend's father. When I look back now I can see how God's way worked out so beautifully for me. I see how a leap in faith really allowed God's workings to manifest themselves beyond my wildest dreams.

My final point would be to encourage others to take a leap out into the unknown, by listening to what Gods inspiration is trying to tell them. It appears as a leap of faith. I think it is only when one accepts this apparent faith that one can begin to remove the mask of pretension and begin to give birth to a life of authenticity. Living a new life in God results from letting the Christ consciousness be released into a fuller expression of the real self, the spiritual self. So I have made three trips here to Connecticut to study with Ruth Robins and at present am enjoying a 12-month visit made possible by Ruth’s generosity. Seeing how Metapsychiatry is lived and expressed, was made easier for me by being here, rather than just reading from the books. So I have been very blessed indeed with this wonderful opportunity.

Forgiveness

by Patrick McCarthy

A few words about my own personal experience of forgiveness, what it used to be, and what it has come to mean to me today.

Growing up as a good Catholic boy, I was encouraged to think of forgiveness as something that I needed from God. I thought I had to perform for forgiveness, by attending fortnightly confession with a priest as a part of the school curriculum.

I thought of myself as someone who needed to beg for forgiveness. Heaven was available to those who were clean enough, and if I wasn’t clean enough I would spend an unknown period of time in Purgatory, before getting into heaven. In other words, I thought of forgiveness as a two-way street. I saw it as having to be earned from God through striving to be good and confessing my sins. I saw forgiveness as a choice that God had, to either bestow upon me or to withhold from me, if He chose to do so. Such was my childish concept of forgiveness.

Understanding begets understanding. It helps us to grow up, to leave our childish fantasies behind and to get to know what is. However in my own life, a more real understanding of forgiveness didn’t really happen till I was in my forties.

There was one particular moment that lives in my memory. I was walking alone along a busy street in quiet mental prayer simply thanking God for Jesus dying on the cross for me. That was where I was in my pre-Metapsychiatry days. During these prayerful moments a voice spoke to me. I was totally and completely assured that, that which I was calling God, was expressing a truth to me. This voice didn‘t speak out loud, yet it appeared within me. I didn’t hear it with my ears, but with my whole body, or you could say with the very truth of my being or my inner spirit.

This voice simply said, "Patrick you are forgiven." I note, it didn’t say "you have been forgiven," or, "you will be forgiven," but it was in present tense, "you are forgiven," with the "are" implying, that there never was a time when I wasn’t forgiven, or wasn’t in God’s embrace.

I found a certain comfort in knowing this, and what resulted was less anxiety, less seriousness and less concern about issues of morality. However, adopting this attitude also caused me to slacken off a lot in my sense of self discipline and my sense of the spiritual. I had thoughts of, "Oh well, it seems like everything will be all right after all, I can slack off a bit now, I’m going to get to heaven anyway."

Along with this attitude of seeming indifference was a life more selfishly lived, constantly out of peace and harmony, unfulfilled and sterile, producing nothing. Such are the fruits of narcissism.

During this period in my life, the appreciation of existentially valid or existentially invalid thoughts, wasn’t known to me. I would say that not

As they say, (in one of our New Zealand adds for washing powder,) "just a squirt gets the dirt." A short squirt of Metapsychiatry was needed to clear up those spots and stains in my life, which weren’t removable by any other egotistical washing powder, namely personal effort.

Finding Metapsychiatry in Christchurch in 1996 has been the most rewarding discovery in my life. It has enhanced my knowledge and appreciation of Christianity and revealed to me a whole new meaning to life, a whole new appreciation of what and who I am and where I belong in the

Getting back to forgiveness, and my appreciation of its meaning for me today. I guess that going back to when God spoke to me in that unforgettable moment, I can see that I live in God’s eternal embrace. I am forgiven, even before I am born. God first loved me, as the Bible says. God first chose me. I didn’t choose God. Metapsychiatry says, I am an idea of God, an idea expressed from Divine Mind, called to express itself through the word, which is my daily living experience.

Knowing that I am personally forgiven releases me into the freedom of a growing authentic expression of who and what I am. I don’t sense that I did anything wrong, to need God’s for-giveness, as such, but I hear the term "forgiveness," saying to me, "Patrick, expand and express what you are, because you are living in life’s embrace."

I am awake to the truth that I am living in God, wholly receptive to God’s grace, without the need for self judgment. One could say, accepting the truth of personal forgiveness wipes away the mist on the window of consciousness, allowing a clearer vision of the presence of God in which I am called to live and move and have my authenticity of being. Realizing God’s forgiveness lets the Christ within, honor and glorify the living God, through an unhindered and authentic expression.

Thank you God. Thank you Thomas Hora.

Awakening To the Meaning of What Seems To Be

Jan Linthorst, D.Min.

Dr. Hora’s spiritual realization took place within the framework of a practicing psychiatrist. His realization was of a universal nature, but his formulation was applied to the needs of the patients coming for healing. His realization consists of an understanding of "what really is" in juxtaposition to "what appears to be," but does not exist.

The whole system of Metapsychiatry is based on this fundamental insight.

The method of Metapsychiatry is to separate in consciousness what seems to be from what really is. This is done by shedding the light of reality, which is the formless truth of existence, on the forms or phenomena that appear and seem to be. The approach that Dr. Hora formulated consisted of the Two Intelligent Questions: "What is the meaning of what seems to be?" and "What is what really is?" In the light of what really is, the appearances take on a different meaning. First, we lose the conviction that they are as real as they appear. Second, we learn that they have a symbolic significance which sheds light on the thoughts we entertain and consequently on our mode of being-in -the-world.

As a result, an awareness emerges which is called beholding or " the transcendent observer" (a non-personal entity). Two things become possible to this observer, one, he becomes aware of life-opposing thought patterns so that they don’t need to be repeated and two, "the understanding of what really is, abolishes all that seems to be."

The meaning of what seems to be is the mental equivalent of the phenomenon or symptom that troubles us. For instance, a gentleman with a back injury, due to a sudden twist while bending over, came to understand his hard charging life style and an aggressive "back-breaking" work style as the meaning of the incident.

The concept of meaning is unique to Metapsychiatry in its application to healing. Psychology has the concept of diagnosis. It is the discovery of the cause of the illness. In the context of human existence there are causes and effects. In the context of what really is, there is no cause for the problem, there is, however, a meaning. It can tell us something we need to know in order to be free from this affliction.

There are some obstacles to understanding what Dr. Hora meant by meaning.

First, the understanding of meaning cannot be the product of thinking. It is not a metapsychiatric form of psychoanalysis; in other words meaning does not lie in the past.

Second, meaning is not some form of mental cause. That would be cause and effect thinking coming in through the back door. It is the thought expressed in bodily symptom, behavior, language, or emotion.

Third, meaning does not put blame on us, nor does it shame us. It is not indicating that we did something wrong. If it is felt as blame then we are continuing the thought patterns that got us in trouble in the first place.

The practice of opening up to the meaning of what seems to be is a spiritual practice. It is using one’s daily experience as the spiritual path of transformation. It is the practice of waking up from the dream of material, personal existence, so that we can enjoy the state of awareness that lies "beyond the dream."

In awakening to meaning it may help to understand that all problems are self-confirming. It means that the common denominator of all meanings is that the person identifies with a story in a time frame. So one thing we can know when we ask the meaning is that we are thinking of ourselves as a character in a story in a time frame, bound to a past and speculating about a future.

Eckhart Tolle in his book, "The Power of Now," distinguishes between psychological time and clock time. The latter is the practical use of time in daily living, making appointments, planning a meal, budgeting one’s finances etc. The former is the emotional charged sense of oneself, which creates a story starting in the past and going on into the future.

The second principle of Metapsychiatry points to the fact that the good of God already is. What really is is now and it does not take place in psychological time. Anything that seems to be does not take place in the now but in psychological time.

Tolle makes another helpful distinction between a situation and a problem. A situation is not necessarily a problem. A situation becomes a problem when we react to it emotionally, that is with anger, frustration, disappointment and so on. But this emotional reaction draws its fire from the story, which in the mind of the storymaker is dramatic.

Just as the filmmaker draws up a storyboard, the same way the egoic mind perpetuates the story and its drama.

A young woman, married and pregnant with her first child is upset that her husband is not paying attention to her. He leaves early in the morning for work and returns in the evening around nine o’clock. He eats dinner and watches a little television and goes to bed. She wants to talk about the day, but he is tired. This is a very sensible. However, no matter how sensible it is, it does not help her to get her husband’s attention. It makes it even more difficult to discern meaning when the demands are reasonable.

The meaning of her upset was discovered when she could see herself creating a drama with herself as the main character. She drew on the past to see how men are treating the women in her family and projected into the future a life of subservience to an inconsiderate man. She didn’t like the character. She could see that this character was becoming very demanding and nagging and that she would drive her husband even further away. She could see that her demands on him made matters worse. Understanding this did not change the situation, but it took away the problem. When she decided not to ask anything from her husband when he came home tired, and to find ways to keep to herself and find her happiness in spiritual self-reliance, he discovered not long after that, that he was driving himself too hard. And he changed.

Many have a reluctance of looking into the meaning because it like finding fault with oneself. That would be true if the meaning would be used as a label tagged onto the character of the story. But discovering the meaning must show us that we have mistakenly identified with a story. The whole point is to become observers of a story in which we watch a character play the title role, and to discover that as observer or awareness, we are not in the play. It frees us from identification with the character that we have identified with fictitiously.

That is the liberating insight of meaning. It enables us to separate the fictitious self from the true self, which is awareness. It is pure awareness in the light of which the unreality of the is revealed. The author, mentioned earlier, Tolle, describes how he, in the midst of upheaval, found himself saying: "I cannot live with myself any longer. … Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar though this was. "Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: The "I" and the "the self" that I cannot live with. May be, I thought, only one of them is real." He was so stunned by this realization that his mind stopped. He was fully conscious, but there were no more thoughts. From that day on he had peace.

Of course, this awareness can be given a name like "the good of God which already is." It is comforting to have a name for it, but naming it can also lead to just believing in it. The actual realization of the good of God is the awareness that observes the story and steps out of it by no longer identifying with its drama. That ends self-confirmation. Of course, this is done only from moment to moment. It is, at least, rarely done once and for all.

So the discovery of meaning liberates from the fictitious self and establishes the awareness of the good of God. This awareness, the beholder or the transcendent observer, does not have a personal name and certainly not a personal history.

Another distinction can be made between what really is: the issue or the situation and what really is ultimately real.

We have distinguished earlier between the situation and the problem. Now that the problem and its meaning are understood as part of a drama, what about the situation? The young woman still has a husband who does not pay attention to her. A man facing bankruptcy still has bills to pay, even though his fear of the future has lifted. These are situations. Once a situation is liberated from the emotional charge, it is part of what really is. In Zen it is called true suchness. Dr. Hora, referring to Heidegger, calls it "the thing as such." To accept a situation for what it is, is called letting be. Letting be, Dr. Hora suggests, is not the same as leaving it alone. It is a form of PAGL. Intelligence and freedom are available, in which action can take place, or in which we choose to do nothing or walk away from it. In any case, it is not a problem. It is what it is. This is an act of surrender. "Letting the situation be" is an act of surrender to what ultimately is. What ultimately is underlies what situationally is and because of that, it cannot harm us. It is the good of God, which already is.

The meaning of what seems to be lies in psychological time, where we see ourselves as dramatis persona in our story.

Awareness of our problem makes us see it as an emotionally charged reaction to a situation. Discovering the meaning is discovering ourselves as a character in a self-created story. It also constitutes the act of stepping out of the story. By discovering the meaning we are no longer identified with that character. We have become transcendent observers and beholders. We have no longer a name or a history.

The situation is no longer a problem, but something which simply is, no value judgment attached. Letting be what the situation is, is an act of surrender to what really is.

What is what really is?

A verse in the Upanishads shows how Metapsychiatry draws on ancient wisdom:

"Not that which the eye sees, but that by which the eye can see, to know that is Brahman, the Eternal, and not what people here adore.

Not that what the ear hears, but that by which the ear can hear, to know that is Brahman, the Eternal, and not what people here adore.

Not that what the mind thinks, but that by which the mind can think, to know that is Brahman, the Eternal, and not what people here adore. "

This idea is expressed in the Prayer of Glowing:

"Now is the accepted time.
Now the Eye of mine eyes is open.
Now the Ear of my ears hears.
Now the Mind of my mind knows.
Now the Love of my love glows.
I and my Father are one."

Awakening to a Different World

by Ruth R. Robins

A funny thing happened on the way to the conference here last year. I lost PAGL. And worse, I wasn’t even aware of it, which reminds me of one of Ashley Brilliant’s brilliant sayings: "I always know when I’m conscious, but for some strange reason, I never know when I’m unconscious." I am perhaps not the only one here -- seasoned student or newer one -- who has found that it is not always as easy to live "beyond the dream" as we might have thought.

This story began on Saturday evening, the night before the conference. I was sitting in my car outside the door to this House, after having driven a couple here where they were spending the night, and was on my way to stay at the apartment of friends who were away for the weekend when I heard a "still small voice" saying, "leave the car where it is and spend the night here." It would have been effortless. I was already here, and already parked in front of the door. Ignoring the voice, I proceeded according to plan. By the time I drove to their apartment which was on the west side of Manhattan, quite far from here, it was 1ate, and I had to drive around for awhile before I found a garage. The garage was too far from the apartment to walk to with my suitcase, so I had to take a cab; and at that time of night there weren’t too many cabs, so I stood on the street for awhile before I was able to find a cab.

By the time I arrived at the apartment it was close to midnight. I was exhausted and went immediately to bed, looking forward to having a good night’s sleep. But I couldn’t fall asleep. The room was too hot. So I got up and put on the air conditioning. But, after awhile, the room became too cold, so I got up, turned the air conditioning off, and opened the window. But then the noise of the city street on a late Saturday night was too loud, so I got up again to close the window and try to sleep without the air conditioning. But then the room became too warm, and I couldn’t fall asleep so I got up again to put the air conditioning back on and close the windows. And that’s the way I spent the night -- getting up to turn on the air conditioning and close the windows, and getting up again to open the windows and turn off the air conditioning.

Around 3 in the morning, still unable to sleep, the humor of it all, and my embarrassment over having made such a mistake, of all times the night before a metapsychiatry conference, got to me and I burst into a fit of laughter which lasted for at least an hour. Finally, relaxed at last, I was just drifting off to sleep when I became aware that something warm was oozing out of my nose onto the sheets. Slowly waking up, I realized my nose was bleeding. I reached for a kleenex but there was none there. By the time I was able to rouse myself and turn on the light, my nose had bled all over the clean white sheets, so I got up and washed the sheets, laughing uncontrollably again at the whole funny experience. By the time I crawled back into bed it was about 5 in the morning, and I had set the alarm to wake me up at 6 in order to shower, eat, take a cab back to the garage, drive to the conference, look for another place to park, and arrive here on time.

Needless to say, I never slept a wink the whole night. It was a humbling experience. And it was a rude awakening.

The moral of this story is, "Don’t make a move without PAGL." I had thought that there was PAGL around the idea to stay in my friends’ apartment. I am also aware there is such a thing as "pseudo pagl." Pseudo pagl occurs when we are anxious about something and we let the ego push us into making a decision. This is then followed by a relief of the anxiety. Only later may we discover that it was not the right move since it did not bear good fruit.

Dr. Hora writes in "One Mind" about the difference between making a decision -- which is based on an invalid thought -- and making a choice -- which is based on an intelligent idea. It was embarrassing to see that the whole experience had been the consequence of having made a decision, and to admit that it had been based on an invalid thought, that I didn’t want to spend money on a hotel room.

Now I’d like to speak of another awakening, this one borne out of paying attention to the "still small voice" and following where it led. This story began when a voice, quietly and unexpectedly, said, "It is time for us to end the marriage." As I contemplated the idea, I became aware that it was surrounded by the presence of PAGL, and as I grew so assured that it was God’s idea, I said "yes" to it. As this was such an important moment in my life, I didn’t want to make any mistakes, so I paid close attention to the principle, "Do not make a move without PAGL." I became still, and asked for what was needed, which was for a place to live. In this way I was led from one inspired idea to another inspired idea to another inspired idea, without effort, and within a matter of hours I was taken to see a beautiful condominium which had only that morning come onto the market. It was perfect for my every need, and in perfect condition.

While I was waiting to see if the owners would let me rent it rather than buy it, I watched in amazement as two individuals, grateful for metapsychiatry, appeared just at that very moment and offered to buy it for me to live in. Three weeks later I was moved in. It was truly a miracle. Thus began for me an altogether different life.

There is yet another part to the story. Throughout the marriage, whenever a problem arose, I would recall a very helpful principle which Dr. Hora taught, namely, "If you learn what you need to learn, you will be lifted up out of the situation one way or another." It took many years to learn what I needed to learn, and it was true, I was lifted up into a more peaceful and assured state of consciousness with each overcoming. Looking back, I marvel at what a gradual and gentle process it was. It takes time to really understand that when something is not going well in one’s life it is an indication that something needs to be learned. We all know how much easier it is to look for a cause -- for someone or something to blame -- rather than to look for a meaning; and how much easier it is to find an excuse than it is to see what we need to learn from our problems. There’s alot of self-deception to overcome! And little did I guess that I would be lifted up out of the marriage altogether some day, and in such a peaceful and unexpected way.

What I have come to see, from all the years of study and meditation as I learned to recognize my real feelings and thoughts and to spiritualize consciousness, is that I was gradually being transformed into a more authentic individual. Dr. Hora writes in One Mind, "We have to cultivate the ability to be aware of what we are experiencing in every situation" in order to transcend the human condition and live an authentic life.

I realize now that the marriage dissolved not because I did something or my former husband did something. Neither of us made a decision to divorce. The marriage simply fell away as a result of spiritual growth. Only then could it be seen that a marriage without mutual support, love and trust was no marriage at all, and so it fell away on its own.

Now I am living in a different world, one in which PAGL is no longer primarily the fruit of overcoming a problem, but a state of consciousness >primarily free of problems. New creative opportunities have been opening up and my life seems to be more balanced and a lot more fun. One of the many blessings that has occurred is the realization of harmonious coexistence. This I discovered as a result of sharing my home with a student from New Zealand during the past year. He had been studying Metapsychiatry with me for about two years, and had already made two short trips here to study in a more concentrated way. Now he asked if it would be possible to come for a year, and so he returned again. It has been a wonderful time of learning for each of us since we are both committed to harmonious coexistence in an atmosphere of PAGL and mutual appreciation.

In conclusion, let me say that one of the most helpful ideas which metapsychiatry has taught me is about seeing PAGL as the sign by which we can absolutely know that we are following God’s will. To follow PAGL often requires a willingness to step into the unknown. It can mean a radical shift in direction. It can also mean not allowing ourselves to be influenced by the opinions of others no matter how much our actions might disturb them. Such are the challenges of living a life guided by PAGL, but as Socrates said, "An unexamined life is not worth living."

Dr. Hora on Paying Attention

"Love is that state of consciousness which brings man into harmony with what really is. Love is beyond good and evil. It comes into being through the modality of perception ‘paying attention’. …The term ‘paying attention’ is in itself a semantic curiosity. One is led to ask: What is the payment in paying attention? The payment is like that in ‘mind-fasting’ or in ‘prayer and fasting.’ It is the giving up or sacrificing of certain mental content and of sensory and affective gratification. To pay attention, then, means that certain habits of thought, favored mental images. Cherished assumptions must be given up. Mental assumptions and affective gratifications constitute a ‘mental currency’ to be paid for attainment of the loving mode of cognition."

~In Quest of Wholeness, p6.